Is there a Doctor in the house? I'm ISTed out?

I know I’m dating myself, but what ever happened to the family doctor?   Oops…sorry, he/she is now referred to as an internIST.  Quite honestly, I’m ISTed out!   Why?   It’s a long story…but I’ll try to shorten it up for Internet consumption.  (I guess this didn't turn out as short as I thought it would be!)

About 20 years ago…I didn’t have a doctor.
I wasn’t feeling well, and my wife insisted (as they always do) that I needed to go and see a doctor (aka physician).   She knew I didn’t have a doctor/physician…so she referred me to her cardiologIST (heart person type physician).   I obliged.   He did the height, weight; blood pressure thing…gave me a prescription…and sent me on my way.   On occasion, over the course of the next few years…I visited my doctor/physician (aka cardiologIST) for routine checkups (at my wife’s insistence).

2003!
I’m sick.   I think it’s the flu.   I set up an appointment with the aforementioned doctor/physician/cardiologIST.   He does the height/weight/blood pressure thing again and gives me a prescription.   Tells me to come back in 3 weeks.

3 weeks later….
I tell my cardiologIST that I feel much better, but my stomach feels a little “weird”.   My cardiologIST…refers me to an oncologIST. ’cause he thinks there’s something suspicious.   (I hate to admit it…but at the time…I didn’t even know the difference between a cardiologIST…oncologIST…physician)!   OncologIST has me undergo every scan conceivable to man/womankind.   CAT…PET…and yes, even a sonogram…the thing they do for pregnant women!

OncologIST refers me to an urologIST…because oncologIST thinks there is something else suspicious.   UrologIST confirms oncologIST’s suspicion…a tumor on the kidney!   OncologIST and urologIST confer/consult and agree…that I also have stomach cancer…but also agree that kidney must be removed first!   Aside from a few coughs/sniffles…I have never been sick in my life!!!   I thought this was a stomach ache!!! What happened!!!

2 years later…
Kidney removed and cancer treatment completed…oncologIST refers me to a gastroenterologIST (stomach person) for follow-up exams/monitoring…which includes endoscopies and colonoscopies (more about that later).   OncologIST also has concerns of high blood pressure so he prescribes medication (Norvasc)

3 years later…
Upon a routine visit to the aforementioned gastroenterologIST…I complain about my swollen ankles.   My gastroenterologIST suggests that I see my internIST!   I tell him I don’t have one (my cardiologIST has long since retired)…and he (gastroenterologIST) gives me a referral.

2 weeks later…
Visit my new internIST.   He tells me Novasc is known to cause swollen ankles and prescribes new medication (why didn’t the gastro dude know this?).   New medication inflames my slight case of psoriasis.   InternIST suggests I go see a dermatologIST.   (I don’t have one!)   DermatologIST confirms that the prescribed medication is inflaming my psoriasis. (Why didn’t my internIST know this?)   InternIST changes prescription again!

New prescription causes hugely swollen lips!   I google’d this and after many hours/searches discover that this is referred to as angioedema.


Wife and kids are disgusted by (laughing at) my huge lips. Wife insists I go see an allergIST!   (I don’t have one!)

2 weeks later…
AllergIST confirms that internIST’s 2nd prescription can cause fat lips (aka angioedema).   Again…why didn’t the internIST know that?

Epilogue I:
I’m back on Norvasc.   I haven’t fired my internIST…yet!  No more fat lips or inflamed psoriasis …but fat ankles!   Good news...blood pressure…120 over 80.   I mentioned this to a dear, lifelong friend, of ours (who happens to be a sales rep for a medical company).   She suggested that I see an endocrinologIST!

Epilogue II:
My son-in-law's brother is an anesthesiologIST and his wife (the anesthesilogist's) is a gynecologIST!